A young boy sitting on a piano bench realizes one day that
he will never marry. At the time this seems merely a simple,
if odd, fact, but as his attraction to boys grows stronger,
he is pulled into a vortex of denial. Not just for one year
or even ten, but for 25 years, he lives in an inverted
world, a place like a photographic negative, where love is
hate, attraction is envy, and childhood never ends. He comes
to think of himself as a kind of monster—until one day,
seemingly miraculously, the world turns itself upright and
the possibility of love floods in.
Equal parts Oliver Sacks and George Orwell, with a dash of
Woody Allen, Jonathan Rauch’s memoir is by turns harrowing
and funny, a grippingly intimate journey through a bizarre
maze of self-torment that ends with an unexpected discovery.
Many people, gay and straight, have lived through their own
versions of this story, seeking to twist their personality
in directions it just wouldn’t go. Not all have been lucky
enough to escape.
First published in 2013, Denial has been revised for this
new edition, which includes a new afterword by the author.
"At first I thought someone was narrating my life. Once I
started this morning, even though I pulled an all night
shift I couldn’t put it down and finished in one sitting.
The story was very inspiring and gives me hope for my
newfound life." —B.R.
"I could have avoided years of painful emotional and
mental gymnastics had I read your book as a young man. You
have no doubt helped many gay people as they work thru
becoming who they are meant to be." —M.R.
"I simply want to THANK YOU for writing this book. The
first chapter had me in tears almost instantly. Except for
all the pronouns and genders being opposite, I feel like
it describes how I felt about myself exactly." —R.J.