Engineers are the funniest people

acme-detonator

People who know me say they never hear me laugh as hard as when I’m watching Road Runner cartoons. Why might that be?

I’m a nerd, and Wiley Coyote, you see, is an engineer. He’s always engineering up solutions to get the Road Runner. But because Wiley Coyote is a slightly inept engineer, he always overlooks one tiny factor, and everything blows up in his face. That’s a powerful metaphor. Nor is it just a metaphor, because every computer programmer will tell you that it only takes one “flipped bit” to get the exact opposite of the intended results.

Engineers are funny people. Partly, I think, it’s because they’re smart. Partly it’s because they’ve seen so many Wiley Coyote disasters, large and small, happen in real life.

I recently came across a Facebook meme that purported to be actual notes from maintenance log notations between UPS pilots and UPS maintenance crews. It took only a little Googling to learn that, actually, these jokes are apocryphal. Sometimes it’s attributed to Fedex pilots. Though, according to Snopes.com, there is some evidence that it originated from military pilots and engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget


In the late 1980s, as the Unix operating system was increasingly coming into use in laboratories and research centers, Unix jokes began to appear. I believe it was 1985 when I acquired my first Unix computer, which was made by AT&T. At the time, these Unix jokes actually worked as described here, because I typed them in and tried them (though some worked only with Berkeley Unix as opposed to AT&T’s System V Unix). These days, if you try them in a Unix terminal window on, say, your Macintosh, the results may not be the same anymore.

$ ar x God
ar: God does not exist

$ cat “door: paws too slippery”
cat: cannot open door: paws too slippery

$ cat “can of food”
cat: cannot open can of food

$ lost
lost: not found

$ make war
Make: Don’t know how to make war. Stop.

% gotta light?
No match.

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many (‘s.

% sleep with me
bad character

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% \(-
(-: Command not found.

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ mkdir matter; cat >matter
matter: cannot create

$ make love
Make: Don’t know how to make love. Stop.


Every specialized discipline with specialized knowledge lends itself to jokes. Here are some musician jokes, as a bonus.

Q: How do you make musicians complain?
A: Pay them.

Q: whats the differance between a pianist and god?
A: god doesn’t think he’s a pianist

Q: What’s the difference between a banjo and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

Q: What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
A: “The Defendant”

Q: What do clarinetists use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?
A: Saliva.

Q: What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.

Q: Why was the musician arrested?
A: He was in treble

Q: What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A: You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.

Q: Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?
A: It saves time in the long run.

Q: What’s the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
A: About three decibels.

Q: What is the dynamic range of a bass trombone?
A: On or off.

Q: What’s the difference between an opera singer and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.

Q: Why do people play trombone?
A: Because they can’t move their fingers and read music at the same time.

Q: What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A: A music critic.

Q: How can a drummer and a conductor avoid rhythm conflicts?
A: Work separate concert halls.

Glissando: A technique adopted by string players for difficult runs.

Vibrato: Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.

Q: How does a young man become a member of a high school chorus?
A: On the first day of school he turns into the wrong classroom.

Q: How do you get a guitarist to play softer?
A: Place a sheet of music in front of him.

Q: How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
A: Put it in a viola case.

What a sane voice sounds like

deborah-ross-video

This morning in my news-reading routine, I came across this video made by the Raleigh News & Observer. Deborah Ross, a Democrat who is running for the United States Senate from North Carolina against Republican Richard Burr, had met with the newspaper’s editorial board and was asked to talk to the camera about her vision for North Carolina. I was delighted to see that, 20 seconds into the video, she mentions Stokes County and the rally at which it was my privilege to introduce her.

As for the voice of sanity, I hope you’ll watch the video and let Deborah Ross speak for herself. Here’s a link to the video.

The voice of sanity and reason is such a quiet voice. It doesn’t rudely swindle us of our attention the way propaganda does, with noise, threats, scapegoating, and conspiracy theories designed to deceive us.

rc-me-with-deborah-ross

Staying sane as insanity spreads

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After the right-wing media can no longer sustain the delusion, people gradually come to their senses. But by then the damage is done.


In my lifetime, the most terrifying period in American history was early 2003, when the Bush administration was selling the Iraq war to the American people. Those of us who stayed sane during that epidemic of war fever and lust for violence learned several lessons then, all very frightening:

Lesson 1: The Republican Party has no principles. It will lie and deceive to whatever degree is necessary to get its way or to try to swing elections.

Lesson 2: The right-wing media (Fox News and right-wing media stars such as Rush Limbaugh) have made a science of whipping the lowest elements of the American population into a state of rage and delusion that teeters right on the edge of violence.

Lesson 3: When the mass delusion of right-wingers has spread to a certain percentage of the population, the mainstream media are forced to cover it. This amplifies everything.

Lesson 4: If you see 2003 support for, and opposition to, the Iraq war as a good indicator, then about 72 percent of the American population (see chart above) are susceptible to the mass delusions and psychic epidemics that the right-wing media create to gets its way. Only 22 percent of the population are fully capable of remaining sober and rational when the right-wing media pull out all the stops and force the mainstream media to follow along.

It’s 2016, and it’s happening again. The Republican Party is using its rage machine, as we knew it would, in the 2016 election. The mainstream media are following along. A year ago, smart folks on the left and right would have assumed that a ludicrous fringe character like Donald Trump could appeal to not much more than 30 percent of the population. But smart folks were wrong, because they forgot what the right-wing media machine can do. And, as in 2003, the mainstream media are forced to cover the story lines that are required in the right-wing media to get the attention of the right-wing base.

The mass insanity at present is nowhere near the 72 percent level that the right wing achieved in 2003 when Republicans were selling the Iraq war. Trump’s level of support is somewhere around 41 percent to Hillary Clinton’s 46. Still, that is terrifying. It wasn’t supposed to be possible. It’s still not over. The epidemic might weaken, but it also could continue to spread.

Each morning I cringe as I go through my daily routine of checking news sites. Trump and the media are still talking about birtherism. Trump’s agenda would add $5.3 trillion to the federal debt. Trump is under “concentrated Satanic attack,” some preacher says. No one including House Republicans cares if Trump uses foundation money to buy himself gifts or to pay bribes. Trump’s entire family proves itself to be morally deranged and psychologically cracked. And yet six more weeks of all this remains before the Nov. 8 election. One of the things that the right-wing media knows is that it must continue to top itself in order to keep attracting attention and keep the hysteria going. I am trying to brace myself for the October surprise.

Rolling coal?

rolling-coal

Though I had seen pickup trucks with smokestacks blowing black smoke, I did not know about “rolling coal” until the New York Times wrote about it a week ago.

Here is a new way for useless white guys to strut their hatred, as they are constantly encouraged to do by the right-wing media. Google for “rolling coal,” if you’re not aware of this phenomenon. Don’t miss the article in the right-wing web site Daily Caller: “Here at The Daily Caller, we are going to give you the basics on how to modify your pickup, so every hybrid driven by some guy in a pink Argyle sweater will know exactly where you stand.”

Here’s my question. How did so many Americans get to be this way? Until I know of a better answer, I’d have to say that it’s a combination of appalling ignorance combined with yet another way that the right-wing media teach hatred, aggression, and reckless, unproductive consumption.

I have encountered right-wingers who see it as a kind of moral duty not to recycle and to use incandescent light bulbs.

Months ago, as the rest of America gradually woke up to the fact that Donald Trump actually was going to get the Republican nomination, many articles were written on the disaffected white underclass who were enthusiastically backing Trump. Many of these articles called for sympathy and outreach. Some of the articles shamed both political parties for leaving these people behind. These useless articles have tapered off. Outreach? It’s clear that the angry white underclass cannot be reached except by the right-wing media, which is more than willing to flatter their ignorance and inflame their hatred for political purposes.

A couple of days ago I was having lunch in a fast-food place because I was so busy with my liberal political commitments that I didn’t have time to cook at home. I listened to a white guy at a nearby table explaining to another white guy why Trump was the only hope. “Things are gonna get really bad if Hillary gets in,” he said. It was clear that this guy thought of himself as well informed, as a kind of intellectual, a redneck wonk. He recited a long stream of right-wing talking points, including a list of places that we should bomb. Some of his talking points were deceptive half truths, the rest were pure horse-wash. Putting that stuff into his head is a billion-dollar corporate profit center. I don’t have the slightest idea what can ever be done about it.

I do know this. I’ve got to work my tail off between now and the election to throw Republicans out of office at every level of government. Disempowering the politicians who cater to these deplorables — and they are deplorable — is the necessary first step.

How to become a fugue nerd

fugue-577

Click on image for larger version


Have we had a music post lately? I thought not. Get out your headphones and your thinking cap, and let’s talk a bit about fugues.

It’s no secret that I’m obsessed with fugues. Everyone with a nerdly approach to music is obsessed with fugues. Recently I recommended to a friend who is taking up music that he explore this Yale online course on listening to music:

Notice that the instructor devotes an entire lecture, lecture 13, to fugue form. In the lecture, he says that every educated person should understand fugues. Yes!

I have never been anywhere close to having the technique required for professional musicians. I had a private organ teacher through junior high school and high school, and later, as an adult, I worked on my piano technique in the community music program of the University of North Carolina School of the Arts. During those times when I have practiced conscientiously, I’d put myself in the category of “accomplished amateur.” That is nothing to be ashamed of. So often, people who are quite good musicians but who are not professional material feel a kind of shame, because they know enough to compare themselves with professionals. It ought not to be that way. All of us ought to be able to make our own music and share it with friends in the same way that we ought to be able to make our own supper and share it with friends.

Anyway, fugues. The top photo shows the first two pages of J.S. Bach’s Fugue in G major for organ, BWV 577. What does the “BWV” mean? It stands for Bach-Werke-Verzeichnis, German for Bach Works Catalog. It’s the system used for specifically identifying all of Bach’s compositions. The BWV 577 fugue is often called the “gigue” fugue, generally pronounced “jig” by English speakers. Why it’s called the jig fugue is pretty obvious. It sounds like a wild country dance.

An important thing to know about fugues is that fugue form is a contrapuntal form. “Contrapuntal” is just a Latinate form of the English word “counterpoint.” In counterpoint, the composition is made up of independent lines, or voices. Each line or voice, heard alone, is much like a complete melody itself. Heard together, the voices blend harmonically and rhythmically into a complex whole.

How should you listen to counterpoint? Unless you concentrate very carefully on following each separate voice, you will hear only the whole. The challenge — and the challenge has everything to do with why nerds love fugues — is to concentrate so intensely that your ear can follow each voice separately and hear the independent voices inside the whole.

A convenient thing about fugue form is that the voices usually enter the composition one at a time. The first voice starts alone (usually but not necessarily the highest voice) and states the main theme of the fugue. And then while the first voice gets involved in a variation on the main theme of the fugue, the second voice comes in. The second voice states the main theme again. Then while voices one and two wind around together and get even more deeply involved in variations on the theme, the third voice comes in and states the main theme of the fugue. And finally the fourth voice. Again and again as the fugue progresses, you’ll hear the main theme repeated, along with many variations and inversions of the main theme.

Part of what makes the BWV 577 organ fugue a good study case is that the main theme of the fugue is incredibly appealing and infectious. You’ll recognize it every time it repeats.

Got your earphones? Let’s listen to three different performances of the BWV 577 fugue. The differences in the performances are very telling. The first performance is by Simon Preston. Preston is organist at Westminster. I’m not the only person who regards Preston as the best living organist, especially for Bach. Preston aims for a clean and highly articulated style of playing. He doesn’t try to dazzle you with how big the organ can sound. Rather, he plays in a way that maximizes the chances that you will actually be able to follow all the voices of the fugue. His recordings are often made on “baroque” style instruments that recreate the type of organs that existed in Bach’s day. Preston doesn’t pull out a lot of stops and make a lot of noise. He uses only a few stops (or families of pipes) that are chosen to clarify the independence of the fugue’s voices.

An aside, but an interesting aside: Organs are of course wind instruments. When the wind first hits the lip of the pipe and the pipe begins to sing, there is a puff of air and white noise that organists and organ builders call “chiff.” Chiff often doesn’t come through well in recordings, but if you stand below a nice chiffy organ, so close that you can feel its breath in your face, the chiff will be quite noticeable. The chiff really helps with contrapuntal music, because it helps the ear distinguish the beginning of each note, the better to follow the lines of counterpoint.

Here is Simon Preston’s restrained and nerdly version of the organ fugue in G major, BWV 577. He has even slowed the tempo a bit to help your brain keep up with the four independent voices of the fugue:

There, then. Did that tax your brain? But it didn’t make you want to get up and dance, did it? The BWV 577 fugue isn’t called the jig fugue for nothing. Here is a very different recording by Diane Bish. Diane Bish does want to make a big noise and impress you with the power of the organ. She’s playing at a slightly faster tempo than Preston. She wants you to get up, clap your hands, and dance. In this version, hearing the separate voices of the fugue is more difficult. Diane Bish is concentrating on the whole:

Did that tucker you out? Need a glass of water?

The third version of the fugue is a novelty. It’s a performance by the Swingle Singers, who were quite a phenomenon in the popular music world when they came on the scene back in the 1960s. They’re going to sing the fugue. They’ve tinkered with the arrangement a bit, but when you hear human voices rather than organ voices singing the voices of the BWV 577 fugue, it’s a little clearer what Bach was up to and just what a genius he was:

Even if you don’t read music, take a look now at the top photo. That’s the first two pages of the organ score for the fugue. The entire fugue is only five pages. One interesting thing about this fugue is that rather than the highest voice (the soprano voice) beginning the fugue, the fugue actually begins with the tenor voice, played with the left hand on the organ. Even if you don’t read music, I bet you can track the main theme of the fugue through the first six measures of the score by observing how the notes move up and down. What’s a measure? Look at the vertical lines that appear between the notes every twelve beats. What’s a beat? I’d rather not try that in English at the moment, but your ear knows.

Another remarkable thing about this fugue is its unusual time signature — 12/8. I’d risk boring you and losing non-musicians if we got too deeply involved in the strangeness of 12/8 time. Musical “time signatures” can only be two-based or three-based. That includes multiples of two and three, like four and six, or eight and twelve. For three-based rhythm, think of the waltz (typically 3/4), in which you will surely count ONE-two-three, ONE-two-three as you learn the steps. A waltz is a three-based time signature. Now think of a march such as a Souza march. Typically a march will be in 2/4 time, and as you march you might count ONE-two, ONE-two, ONE-two, as your two feet strike the ground.

So what’s up with 12/8? It has characteristics of both two-based and three-based rhythm. This is because 12 is divisible by 3 as well as by 2. Over all, 12/8 has the feel of two-based 4/4 or 4/8 rhythm. But twelve can be divided by four three times. So you hear three-based rhythms merging into four-based rhythms. This will blow your mind, if you can hear it. Try it: Listen to the Diane Bish version again, and while she plays, rapidly count ONE-two-three, ONE-two-three, keeping up with the fast-moving notes. Now slow down and count at about half that speed. At half speed, your ear will hear ONE-two-three-four, ONE-two-three-four.

Now listen to the Swingle Singers performance again. About halfway through, a drum set joins the singers. Listen carefully to the drums. The percussionist is playing a four-based rhythm with one hand and a three-based rhythm with the other. That’s like rubbing your belly with one hand while patting your head with the other.

If you were able to hear the separate voices of the BWV 577 fugue at least some of the time, and if you were able to hear the fugue in three-base as well as four-base time, as though a jig is partly a fast waltz and partly a fast march, then congratulations. You’re on your way to becoming a fugue nerd.

And to my friend who is taking up music as an adult — and to all adults who might want to take up music later in life: I know that it may seem intimidating, but it’s an adventure. Most of all, let’s not let ourselves be intimated by fear of criticism or the hegemony of professionals (as much as we admire them and appreciate them). Music is like air and water, or language. It’s for everyone.

Which performance did you like the best? Were you able to hear the counterpoint at least part of the time? Could you hear both the three-ness and the four-ness of the 12/8 time signature?


Extra credit for advanced nerds: Can you see how we can calculate, mathematically, that the three-beats are occurring three times as fast as the four-beats? Try this as a thought experiment, or with another person:

Have one person, at a slow to moderate speed, count aloud in fours: ONE-two-three-four, ONE-two-three-four, ONE-two-free four.

Have a second person, counting much faster, count to three in the time it takes for the first person to say just one number: ONE-two-three, ONE-two-three, ONE-two-three.

Note that they will always both say “ONE” at the same time. What you now have is a three-based rhythm nested inside a four-based rhythm.

Here’s another way of doing the same thought experiment. Get two metronomes. Set the first metronome for a nice allegro tempo, say 120 beats per minute. Set the other metronome for exactly three times faster — 360 beats per minute. Now start both metronomes at exactly the same time. The faster metronome will say 1-2-3 for each click of the slower metronome.

In 12/8 time this odd rhythm is sustained through the whole piece. But three-on-four rhythm also occurs sometimes in passing in, say, 4/4 time, when three notes called “triplets” share the time allocated to one (or even two) 4/4 beats. Brahms is well-known for doing this in his piano pieces, in which one hand is playing a three-based rhythm against the other hand playing a four-based rhythm. In such situations, the pianist would be a fool to try to count it out. Rather, when you know how the piece should sound, the spirit of the music, guided by a disciplined ear, will pull you through.

Here is this rhythmic strangeness in a very different style of music, Brahm’s Intermezzo in A major for piano, opus 118, No. 2. Notice what happens rhythmically at 2:02. The left hand is playing six successive notes in the same time allocated for four successive notes in the right hand. Brahms then relieves the ear by breaking into a kind of four-part hymn at 2:44, with all the notes landing on the beat. Then, at 3:14, the rhythm runs to an even wilder six-against-four rhythm reachable only by the spirit of the music (and not easily by metronomes):

Here’s a single measure from this intermezzo, to show three-against-two, with the threes in the left hand and the twos in the right.

measure

This cannot even be precisely scored. But do note how the middle C, which is attached to both the left hand and the right hand, is precisely on the beat in both lines, even though it’s the fourth note in equal time for the left and the third note for the right hand.

Don’t feel bad if this is hard to follow. It’s a tough problem for even for good musicians who are approaching this piece.

Old-fashioned grass-roots politics

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With an election coming up, it’s almost a full-time job to handle my duties as chairman of the Democratic Party in my county. But the job has its rewards, including meeting the candidates during their campaign travels.

Even our oldest active Democrats can’t recall a candidate for the United States Senate ever visiting our little county. But, last Sunday, Deborah Ross, who is running for the United States Senate from North Carolina, was here. It was my honor to introduce Ross both at the little black church she attended on Sunday and for the rally and luncheon that followed at our campaign headquarters.

I found it remarkable that neither Deborah Ross nor any of her campaign team ever mentioned raising money. She spoke twice — first at the church, and then to the more than 100 people who stood in the rather hot sunshine for the rally. She never told a single lie and didn’t distort any issues. She was well aware of local issues that are particularly important to us, including coal ash and fracking. She mentioned that she had voted against fracking when she was in the North Carolina General Assembly. She was positive, polite, and gracious with everyone she met. After she left our rally, she had campaign stops in at least two nearby rural counties — Yadkin and Davie. She is running an old-fashioned campaign based on traveling and meeting people, rather than raising and spending money.

Ross was a civil rights lawyer. To the other party, justice is mostly about prosecution and prisons, which they like to call “law and order.” To us Democrats, justice is about something else entirely. If you asked me to name the most important thing that Democrats have in common, I would say that it’s a passion for justice. I’ve looked at a lot of definitions of justice, but I think I like Cornel West’s definition best: “Never forget that justice is what love looks like in public.”

19th Century post-apocalyptic fiction?

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As a writer of post-apocalyptic fiction, naturally I’m interested in the classics of the post-apocalyptic genre. Until I read Robert MacFarlane’s wonderful book Landmarks, I was not aware that some post-apocalyptic fiction was written during the 19th Century. MacFarlane devotes much of a chapter to Richard Jefferies, a prolific nature writer who also wrote fiction.

After London was published in 1885, the same year that Mark Twain published Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. I can’t say that After London is a particularly exciting novel. It’s packed with unalleviated exposition. The plot is thin. The conversations (such few as there are) are dull. Of the characters, only the protagonist Felix is much developed. However, Jefferies does succeed in painting a vivid and cinematic picture of his post-apocalyptic setting. In his imagined world, some catastrophe that he never describes (because the survivors don’t really know what happened) has wiped out most of the population. London is gone and is mostly flooded. Debris and siltation have blocked the major rivers, and a large lake forms in southeastern England. It’s on and around this lake where the story takes place.

You can read that Jefferies was an influence on J.R.R. Tolkien. I’m not so sure about that, since Tolkien was a great writer and Jefferies a pretty pallid one (his fiction, at least). But Tolkien and Jefferies did have in common a love of terrain and a love of wild nature. I don’t doubt in the least that After London occurred to Jefferies’ imagination because he hated the filth and sprawl of 19th Century London. And so Jefferies imagined London wiped out and its suburbs covered by a lake. Tolkien, too, hated modernity. Tolkien was born in 1892. By 1892, London was much cleaner. When Jefferies was 16, he and a cousin ran off to France. The year was 1864, and London’s sewer system was not completed until 1866. Jefferies probably saw London at the peak of its 19th Century filth and squalor. Though Tolkien’s England probably was nicer in many ways than Jefferies’ England, still Tolkien hated any change and grieved for every fallen tree.

Jefferies died in 1887 at the age of 39, of tuberculosis.

You can get After London in Kindle format. I believe there have been a couple of revival editions, particularly in the United Kingdom. Though some modern scholars have taken an interest in Jefferies (for example, Richard Jefferies and the Ecological Vision (2006), there doesn’t seem to be much likelihood of a Richard Jefferies revival. Judging from my reading of After London, Jefferies’ books won’t hold much interest for today’s general readers. However, readers and writers with a particular interest in nature writing and post-apocalyptic fiction will want to explore Jefferies’ books.

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Hollywood’s recurring dreams — about itself

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La La Land

Why is it so hard to think of fresh and original premises for a story or movie? Is it that writers don’t have much imagination? Or is it that publishers and filmmakers are wary of stories that deviate too far from the standard themes that have made money in the past?

Sometimes, when browsing for movies on Netflix, while reading those two-line blurbs that are supposed to give you some idea of what a movie is about, I marvel at the tiredness of the themes:

After a public breakup, a once-perfect Texas belle has a hard time going home again. Maybe a hunky old beau will help. (Hope Floats)

Try some ice cream, too.

A throbbing EDM scene is awash in fateful chance meetings, forking life paths, and six strangers seizing their moments. (XOXO)

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

He defied all his limitations to turn the tide for his college team. Because the heart of a champion won’t be denied. (My All American)

Sounds like a very nice person.

Their environment is vast, deadly, and coursing with passion. A loveless marriage can twist many ways. (The Painted Veil)

And good luck to you both.

A house of grandeur is really a house of delusions, and a hack screenwriter gets in deep. Is he ready for a closeup? (Sunset Boulevard)

Probably not.

A swaggering youth wants out of his blue-collar ‘hood. Can disco dancing be his ticket to a better life? (Saturday Night Fever)

Wow. Let me know how it goes.

They both have careers to think about. It’s too bad that pesky thing called parenting is getting in the way. (What Maisie Knew)

Sounds like an au pair would be just the thing.

But when a Hollywood screenwriter really runs out of ideas, then that’s the perfect time for a movie about Hollywood, or about screenwriters. Here’s a list of the 25 best movies about Hollywood. And here’s a list of some movies about screenwriters.

This week, the online media are all excited about a new film starring Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling. It’s about Hollywood:

An aspiring actress and a dedicated jazz musician are struggling to make ends meet in a city known for crushing hopes and breaking hearts.

Try some dancing and singing. That usually works.

I think that one of the reasons I am so uninterested in here-and-now stories is that, most of the time, they recycle the same old themes. They are set in the same old places, with the same kind of characters. Why do we impose such limits on our imaginations? Hollywood has the means to take us anywhere, if only somebody will come up with the story. And while we’re at it, can we have some new actors and actresses? There must be hundreds of them in a place like L.A., hot and talented, living on credit cards, struggling to survive in noisy neighborhoods. Suspension of disbelief is far easier with faces that we’ve never seen before. You’ll want to keep those shirtless pictures of Ryan Gosling coming, though.

Lots of people complain about stories that are “not realistic.” Is that what this market is about? In my world, to want stories to be “realistic” is to completely miss the point of what stories are for. I don’t know about you, but I want stories that take me away from all this.

The theme song for “La La Land” is “Audition”:

Here’s to the ones who dream
Foolish as they may seem

I’m all for dreaming, but haven’t we had that dream before?

After the election, then what?

clinton

While forty-some percent of the American population — right-wingers, all — are now completely detached from reality and are having a dangerous and terrifying psychotic episode right out in public, those of us with a grip on reality are doing what we always do: We are trying to understand what the devil is going on.

The media — at least the responsible media, the media tethered to, you know, facts and reality — turn out articles on a daily basis, each article a possible piece of the puzzle. As we put the pieces of the puzzle together and try to understand the picture that is emerging, some things are becoming clearer. For one, though it appears that Donald Trump will go down in flames on or before election day and that Hillary Clinton will be the next president of the United States, it also appears clear that we’re going to have to deal with the flaming shrapnel of the disintegrated Republican Party and other delusional right-wing radicals for years to come. The term for the crazies that seems to be emerging is “the alt-right.” Who are they, and how are we going to deal with them?

Here are links to a few recent articles:

At Vox.com, Dylan Matthews traces the roots and branches of the alt-right. The rank and file of the know-nothings, of course, have no intellect and are capable of little more than picking up talking points from Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, or web sites such as the Drudge Report or Breitbart. But the intellectuals of the alt-right are much more scary. As Matthews points out, they are overtly anti-democracy. They’re authoritarians, and they dream of an authoritarian, corporatized government with a billionaire such as Elon Musk as king. The article is The alt-right is more than warmed-over white supremacy. It’s that, but way way weirder.

The Washington Post, as usual years behind the curve, has an article today on the prepper movement and the preppers who are moving to the “American redoubt” in the Pacific Northwest. This is old news. The preppers, and Survival.com, go back for years. Still, it’s an important piece of the puzzle, and you’ll find right-wing preppers pretty much everywhere. The article is A Fortress Against Fear: In the Rural Pacific Northwest, Prepping for the Day It Hits the Fan.

At Salon, Andrew O’Hehir sees the televised self-destruction of Karl Rove on election night in 2012 as the moment the last hinge broke (O’Hehir’s hinge metaphor, not mine) on the right wing’s grip on reality, unleashing the barbarians who now support Donald Trump (and who work in his campaign). O’Hehir writes, “Karl Rove kicked open a conceptual window with his micro-rebellion of 2012, a window that had been hanging from one rusty hinge. It took others, more courageous than he, to burst through it into the brave new world of post-reality Trumpian politics on the other side.” The article is: The Year of Dark Magical Thinking: How Karl Rove’s 2012 Fox News humiliation unleashed Trump, Breitbart and the demons of the alt-right.

A big part of what drove the anger of right-wingers during the past eight years, because they are pretty much all racists, was the fact that we had a black President. But for 25 years, they have demonized Hillary Clinton, so it’s clear that right-wing anger is not going to subside just because Hillary Clinton is white. One of the few questions remaining, as far as I can tell, about what right-wingers will do during the next few years is who will win the battle for control of the Republican Party. Will it be establishment Republicans or scorched-earth radicals? If I had to bet, I’d bet on the scorched-earth radicals.

Looking ahead, then, I increasingly believe that Hillary Clinton is uniquely qualified to deal with what is to come. She knows the enemy better than anyone. For 25 years, they have tried to defeat her, and they have failed. President Obama deceived himself into thinking that he could find common ground with scorched earthers, and Obama betrayed many people in his own party to suck up to Republicans. Instead, the scorched earthers ate him alive. Though Hillary Clinton no longer talks about “the vast right-wing conspiracy,” she’s had its number since the day she and Bill first arrived at the White House. The vast right-wing conspiracy has demonized her and tried to get something on her ever since Bill Clinton was elected president in 1992. She has survived them and outsmarted them. The industry that demonized her could never get anything significant to stick to her, but they did damage her favorability ratings. Supporters of Bernie Sanders bought into all that, to their eternal shame. Already, establishment voices are calling on Hillary Clinton to suck up to Republicans and move to the right. But Clinton already is a centrist. I only hope that she is not stupid enough to betray ten hard-working liberal supporters for every fickle right-winger she’d gain. Instead, Hillary Clinton should not flinch in driving a stake through the heart of the Republican Party, the party that deserves oblivion for having brought this country to the state it is in. Unless or until the radical, anti-government right wing comes to its senses, the Republican Party is its only political vehicle for gaining power the old-fashioned democratic way, through elections. As it is, the Republican Party is dangerous, and rather than coddling it, we must assist its suicide.

Though it will be a great pleasure to see Donald Trump permanently politically destroyed on Nov. 8, and though it will be an even greater pleasure to see the Republican Party hack itself to pieces with an ax of its own making, we will not be out of danger. Forty percent of the population will still be angry, psychotic, and unhinged from reality. They have their own media, and that media will continue to feed them anger, delusion, and a never-ending stream of conspiracy theories. New demagogues will soon be stabbing each other in the back to take Donald Trump’s place.

It’s going to be a rough ride. I just hope that Hillary Clinton understands the bigger, truly perilous trends that lie beneath all this. The first is economic injustice. The second is how those who are newly on the losing end of economic injustice — white people — have resorted to destructive rage (including terrorism) and the comfort of lies and deception. They need dark-skin scapegoats for who is eating their lunch, because they can’t be allowed to know that it’s billionaires and the 1 percent who are eating their lunch. Newly lunchless, they are insatiable consumers of propaganda. They are driven by emotion and screwball religion. They’ve created their own alternate reality. Breitbart.com has seen a huge increase in traffic since Stephen Bannon went to work with Trump. The Drudge Report will continue to be the Amazon of retailing right-wing slime. Will we see changes at Fox News now that Roger Ailes is out, perhaps an alliance with the establishment fragment of the Republican Party? But there’s no money to be made in talking about reality with right-wingers, because there’s no demand for reality. There are rumors that Trump and Ailes, after the election, will start a new media business to compete with Fox News. The only business model that could work in a competitive right-wing market would be coming up with the most appealing lies and the most obnoxious shouting heads. Heaven help us.

It’s almost enough to make you want to go hide in the woods somewhere.


Update, August 31, 2016: The Guardian has a nice piece on the possibility of a Trump TV: “Fox was this amazing unifier of all the strands of conservatism together … [Now] it’s kind of a Lord of the Flies situation where everyone’s trying to kill each other.”

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